Ms. ZigZag

A Good, Dirty Tease. Just for You.

Here's are teaser clips from Erin Donley's show, Reveal What's Real: The Monogamy Episode! It will air next week, so get ready. In this show we discuss monogamy in the 21st century and what it means from a modern woman's standpoint.

• Is monogamy natural?
• Is it possible to sustain?
• Why are men labeled cheaters in the media, when plenty of women have affairs?
• How can we step into our power as women and bring this conversation alive so that the old paradigm can evolve into something truthful, authentic and revealing?

This hot and juicy episode will air locally on Portland Public Access Channel 11, and online on Reveal What's Real.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brain freeze or writer's block and what's the difference?

All I know are two things: when I'm really happy I can't write, and when I'm really sad I can't write.

I'm writing now, so that's a good sign, I think.

Here is a writing exercise I learned from a writing teacher in order to break us out of a block. I can't remember who told this to me. (The irony is obvious.) Just write "I remember when....." and keep your fingers moving (pen or keyboard, you choose.)  If you get stuck again, just stop your thought and start a new sentence with the same three words, "I remember when..." Don't edit, just go.

I remember when ......things were easy and chocolate didn't bother my stomach. My friend Sammy made a chocolate cake for me once when I was in the third grade. He brought it to my classroom in the afternoon as a surprise, but then he tripped and it flew over the teacher's desk and landed half on her desk and half on the floor. The whole class laughed at Sammy and I remember how we all ran to the front of the room and began licking frosting off of everything. Kids are gross.

I think our chests hold secrets. I wish I could break my chest open and have someone read all my secrets to me. I remember when my grandmother was alive. She taught me secrets about joy and about tenderness and I think she kept extra secrets in the fridge for when I was hungry.

I remember when I went blind in my left eye and how it was one of the most calm times of my life. I could still see out of my right eye and I looked at everything with awe and saw details inside small things like pencil points and raisins, and this reminds me that i should pay closer attention to my life. I remember when a man I loved told me he loved me back and meant it. I wish love didn't have to be sad. It seems like love should be something easy and special and I guess the world is filled with so many mixed messages that no one is willing to risk anything anymore. I remember a UFO I saw once, but no one believed me.

 

Grace Through Suffering

(walking through an imaginary doorway that took me to a new dimension)

It's mid-January and my attempt at changing my life (habits, patterns) has become a flip-flp of wins and losses. They say in life coaching that when you embark on changing your patterns  monkey wrenches will appear everywhere. This happens with almost all my clients:  they will get sick, the boiler will burst, their cars will break down or their relationships will crash. The theory is that the external world is a reflection of the internal world, and when you try to make big internal changes it causes confusion and mayhem that is then exhibited externally. I am no exception. This is when most people quit and say, "I guess now is just not the right time." The irony is that is it the PERFECT time to stay strong and continue on your path of change.

From Spaguetti to Grace

As soon as I made the commitment to change my life and become more vigilant in my business, writing practice, and health all sorts of things seemed to get in my way. The hardest one has been navigating a relationship in my life that has brought me intense confusion. When it comes to love I am a bowl of spaghetti. I'm one of those die-hard romantics and being in love is either a blessing or a curse. If things are not going well, I feel my whole world collapse.  I find myself deep in depression and all of my fears surface making me want to sit around and drink and cry and say fuck it. The hardest part is that I tell myself, "I should be better than to let this get to me." And this makes me feel shame. I'm a business woman, life coach, and badass.  I'm the type of woman that tries to live by example to show strength and help lift others up. So when I find myself trapped in emotional paralysis the number one thing I do is hide and feel embarrassed. I don't answer the phone, I don't socialize, and I feel like a complete failure.

Learning Grace through Suffering

Luckily, I am strong enough to recognize the benefit of suffering, and the benefit of support. I've hired a new therapist who is also a world class coach and the investment in my future is worth it. There is no need for us to suffer alone. We all slide down the rabbit hole from time to time, and the key is to focus on  getting out of the hole as quickly as possible. Suffering can add a softness and grace to our souls. I recently read an article called "Dealing with Suffering and Seeing it As Grace" and it says a lot about using these difficult feelings in order to embrace vulnerability.

I've also become a fan of Brene Brown. Below is an amzing Ted talk about her research regarding shame, connectedness and vulnerability. There is a true strength that emerges from facing these scary places. I guess I'm learning, once again, to just start over. It's mid January and my goals are still in tact even if I've faltered a bit. I'm glad I can share this with you and hope you find some kind of peace in knowing that you don't have to give up just because things get rough. If anything, the rough spots teach us the most about ourselves.

(Please hit the like button and share with others.)

 

 

From Drill Sergeant to Mashed Potatoes.

Alvord 2010

Week two of the new year:  This is the week I wonder why the heck I decided to have so many new goals in the first place. After a week of vigilant living I crashed and burned. But only for a few days. I'm learning what it means to pick myself up and continue to strive past my blocks.

In the book, The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodrom she writes (in reference to meditation):

"The first couple of days we think, "I'm going to do this perfectly," and we practice with intense effort to sit right, walk right, breathe right, keep the silence, do everything. We really push; we have a project. Then at a certain point we say, "Oh, for goodness' sake! What in the world am I doing?" We say just drop the whole thing and go to the other extreme - "I couldn't care less." The humor and the beauty of practice is that gong from one extreme to another is not considered to be an obstacle; sometimes we're like a drill sergeant, sometimes we're like mashed potatoes. Basically, once we have some sort of joyful curiosity about the whole thing, it's simply all information, gathering information we need to find our own balance."

Sticking to my goals hasn't been easy. I've managed to get up early only about 4 days and have slipped into some bad habits, but each day is a gift for me to start again. I'm still getting ahead of myself, but not as quickly as I had initially thought. I think this is normal, and I'm learning a lot about myself in the process. Some things have been really successful (yoga, cardio, meditation) other things have been harder (waking up early everyday, sticking to a stringent schedule, keeping focused.) I adjust as I go, and still have my eye on the prize. My greatest gift has been a new found gentleness I have towards myself and my weaknesses.

I think the most important thing is to not give up. We all slip and slide. We all have parts of us that wants to throw in the towel. However, the best part about being human is that we get to shake off our past and know that each day is a new future. There is no need to beat ourselves up for not being perfect. Practice does not make perfect. Practice just makes us better.

 

Starting the New Year with The Three P's.

Always, always ask yourself what you want more of, instead of what you don’t want.
- Ms.ZigZag

Happy Freakin-Oh-My-God it's Really 2012! I feel like I woke up in the future, but it's the present and what an amazing present it is.

I spent the glorious moment of midnight snowshoeing up the lower part of Mt. Hood with a handful of new friends. The quiet solitude of snow and moonlight made me feel like I was a kid again.  Across the valley at the foot of the mountain fireworks went off at the ski resort creating a fantastic glow of color lighting up the snow in an array of rainbow light! It was one of the most magical experiences I could have asked for calling in the new year.

The Three P's

Now that we are in 2012 people are getting more and more impatient with the world around them.  I think the internet has created impatient control freaks everywhere. We are addicted to speed and can't seem to accept that things take time to manifest. Someone once told me,"Life is like a good stew, it needs to be stirred slowly."   But I argue that life is not actually slow. If you establish a good routine, do one small thing everyday to bring you closer to your number one goal, you will find that all kinds of success will come your way.

Perseverance. When all is said and done, perseverance is the ultimate success tool. Nothing can replace it. Doing a little bit everyday towards one important goal will give you a sense of self confidence that nothing else can give you. Once you establish a momentum, you will become unstoppable.

Play is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Unstructured play is important for emotional release, creativity, and overall health.  Find time to play and be silly, whether it be racketball, scrabble, knock knock jokes, or walking silly. Trust me, not only will you appreciate it, but those around you will seek you out for more!

Prayer has been proven to work in many areas of life. Some call it mediation, but I call it prayer. Talk it out - (out loud is the important part) - and see how the world changes around you. Something or someone is listening. Call it God,  Higher Power, Source Energy or Fred. It doesn’t seem to matter what label you give it, it works. So if you need a boost, say a prayer.

My Morning Routine Update:

I've successfully been waking up at 6:45am and doing my morning routine. Some people have asked what my morning routine looks like. See below. My goal is to "book-end" by day with a routine, so that I can train my body and mind to accomplish a lot this year without it feeling like an uphill battle. After about 6 weeks this routine will get easier and easier.

*Keep in mind all the great success stories of any genre (art, sports, business) have a strict daily routine that helps them establish solid habits and a good state of mind.

I've been doing this for two weeks (taking weekends off):

6:45 wake. Usually I hit snooze. This gives me 10 minutes to cuddle with my dog and to mentally go over my gratitude list. (I've been doing a mental morning gratitude list for 3 years.) I've recently added "mental love notes" where I send love to three people. Sometimes I know these people well, sometimes they are acquaintances I've just met. I got the idea for mental love notes reading The Compound Effect, by Darren Hardy. This part of my day really feels good.

Out of bed by 7am. No excuses. I walk downstairs to the kitchen and start brewing my tea. During this time I stretch, step out on my porch and take a deep breath of fresh air. About 7:10ish I sit down with my tea and either read or listen to something inspirational. No checking email. No facebook. I either listen to an audio book, or I read for 30 minutes. Around this time my dog wakes up. Believe it or not my dog likes to lay in bed longer than me, but when she gets up I feed her and then walk her. Sometimes I bring my audio book with me on the walk and listen while I walk.

My goal is to be back at my desk by 8:00am. I spend 15 minutes reviewing my daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly goals and then I write 2-5 pages of my book until 9:30.

After that  - the day takes over. I have clients to attend to and I will need to find time for exercise. My weekly workout goal is cardio 4 times a week with yoga or weights 2-3 times a week. So far so good.

Evening Routine

My evening routine is simple. I just go to bed by 9:45-10. I am usually asleep by 11. I try to end the day with more inspirational reading / personal development since they say that the last thing you read/listen to is processed during sleep.

And Finally...

For those that wanted to know if I actually made a naked snow angel in the snow on January 1st. I did and here is the picture to prove it. Yes, I'm screaming. But it was worth every glorious second. Thanks to Brad and Gina for the push.

Happy New Year! I dare you to do the unthinkable this year! 

 

 

 

 

2012: No excuses.

Oh boy, hold onto your seats!  We are three days away from 2012. Does that mean the world is ending? By far. It means the new world is beginning.

How do you want to wake up on January 1st?  Do you want to be refreshed? Strong? Willing to go the distance for your dreams? Or are you going to wake up lazy, tired and hungover?  If you really want to kick some ass in 2012 it's not going to be all glitter and glam. It's going to take discipline and follow-through and navigating a new world full of equal parts danger and opportunity. Are you up for the challenge of a lifetime?

Everything is Different Now

What you thought you knew you don't. What used to work doesn't. We, as a society, don't know which way is up. Making a living, or getting a job has new rules. Finding a place in this world is anything but easy. What about those 500 "friends" on facebook? Do you really know them? Do really have friends at all? Do you want more work or money but are unwilling to leave your computer screen?  Some people like to blame the economy, the recession, or the (fill in the blank). But there is no power in blame. Finger pointing creates a loss of power. It's time that each and every one of us face reality. Discipline and determination go a long way. Sitting around gets you no where.  The trick is to start with small steps and stay consistent.

Steps to Staying Stuck

1) Stay scared 2) Be a cynic 3) Be a pessimist but claim you are a realist 4) Believe you are wiser 5) Feel secretly superior 6) Do nothing to change your life other than bitch 7) Use the term "i told you so"

Steps to Getting Shit Done: Repetition and Consistency.

1) Find the fire in your belly.  With all of today's (and tomorrows) technology the competition is fierce. However, that means there is an equal level of opportunity. Knowing what you love to do, and doing it is your advantage. Passion trumps everything. 2) It's time to enjoy the twists and turns of failure, to accept yourself, to love each precious moment and to stay on top of your game. I'm starting my year with a big dose of self acceptance and a solid routine of health care, personal development and discipline. 3) Start listening to the masters and don't just listen once. Listen again and again and again. Some of the most successful people in the world live on repetition. They listen or read the same books 20, 35, or 60 times until they have mastered their craft. I've recently become a huge fan of Darren Hardy's work. Check out this, and this, and this.

Here's the real trick: small, seemingly inconsequential steps make a huge difference if they are done with consistency. Consistency is key. True success is not attained in an instant, nor it is glamorous. It's laborious, tedious, and difficult. Taking small steps, each day, to achieve big rewards mean that you have to stay on track. The good news is that anyone can do this.

What are three small things that you can start doing now that could change your life?

Here are three little things that will make a huge difference for me:

1)  Going to bed early and getting up early everyday and establishing a morning routine (I'll write more about my morning routine next week.) The key is to be up at 6:45am NO MATTER WHAT.  If I'm tired, I get up. No excuses. Then to bed by 10pm. (More time during the day means easier time management.)

2) Exercise 4-5 times a week. Cardio 4 times, plus some yoga and strength training. Even 15 minutes a day makes a difference. My goal is 15 - 55 minutes. No excuses. (When our bodies are healthy we have more mental clarity, better moods, and accomplish more. It starts with the body/mind connection.)

3) Step out of my comfort zone in small ways: by going to a new networking group, hanging out with new people, running in a different neighborhood, etc. Each week I have to do one thing out of my comfort zone. No excuses. (This process is easy to forget. It's important to get out into the world and out into new places. We get complacent and that holds us back.)

Tracking

Talking about this is good and dandy, but tracking my progress is even more important. I'll keep writing back and reporting to you weekly to see how this experiment goes.

So answer me this: what are three small things you can change that would make a BIG difference in 2012?

(and don't forget to cick the like button and pass this on!)

Keep Chuggin'

Best Happy Hour Burger Ever. Thanks Daniel Flynn for the push.
Only 5 Dolla at Tasty and Son's

After hiring a life coach that specializes in working with writers I'm finally doing a lot more writing on my book, although I still have no idea if I really want to write a book. Books are so long. Writing a book feels more like a burden than a creative outlet, but I'm pushing through to see where it leads me. Most of the time it makes me want to bang my head against a wall, drink whiskey, and jump off a cliff. But luckily my life coach talks me off the ledge and back to the page.

In the meantime I find myself still bantering on facebook. I hate facebook. I love facebook. Facebook makes me feel like I'm back in college walking down the hall and bumping into people, and hiding from people. Here's a  wrap up of stuff I posted on Facebook recently :

I <heart> Betty

True....and I'm doing my best to write them into my novel.

 

I said:

A good run and a solid exercise routine seriously makes all the difference in the world. My cure for the fall / winter blues: Vitamin D3, cardio 2-3 times a week, yoga once a week, sex as often as possible. Oh and a hot toddy. ;)

She said:

"Therapy and coaching helps you get to the next level of your game. Hiring a therapist or coach doesn't mean you are psychologically impaired, it means you are psychologically aware and want to breakthrough your blindspots." - said by fellow colleague during a lunch meeting. I couldn't have said it better. Viva la revolution!

I said:

Dawn Zigzag Montefusco

When the going gets dark.....(finish the sentence)

They said:

Like ·  · Tuesday at 8:58am near Portland

• • 

    Heidi Michelle Turn the light on. Besos!

    Tuesday at 9:02am · Like
  • 

    Rachel Claire Haynes dig deeply into the trenches...

    Tuesday at 9:04am · Like
  • 

    Shauna Verbal StarGazer Remember you are a being of light.

    Tuesday at 9:13am · Like
  • 

    David Dashutah Take a ride on the dark side

    Tuesday at 9:15am · Unlike ·  1
  • 

    Brad G. Garber ‎...take off your clothes

    Tuesday at 9:18am · Unlike ·  4
  • 

    Gina Bobina Eat pie in bed

    Tuesday at 9:21am · Unlike ·  2
  • 

    Billy McGee freaks have the advantage

    Tuesday at 9:24am · Like
  • 

    Harlan Wheeler Call Gina and Brad=food and sex.

    Tuesday at 9:25am · Unlike ·  5
  • 

    Bryndl Mar take off your sunglasses.

    Tuesday at 9:33am · Unlike ·  2
  • 

    Sarah Sterling Bird Light a candle, pour a glass of wine, and take a hot bath.

    Tuesday at 9:58am · Unlike ·  2
  • 

    Amanda Jones ‎...join the vampires and feed on the mortals.

    Tuesday at 10:12am · Unlike ·  1
  • Like
  • 

    Amanda Jones Tell them to stay away from the Vampires, duh. ;-)

    Tuesday at 10:31am · Like
  • 

    Harlan Wheeler It still has to be a raw vegan pie..

    Tuesday at 10:37am · Like
  • 

    Lindsey Lorgen-Jones embrace the darkness

    Tuesday at 11:48am · Like ·  1
  • 

    Aaleron Vancouver take your vitamin D...

    Tuesday at 12:29pm · Unlike ·  1
  • 

    Dawn Zigzag Montefusco ‎@Aaleron - TRUE THAT!!

    Tuesday at 3:17pm · Like
  • 

    Owen William Fritts duh: DANCE!!!

    Tuesday at 7:43pm · Unlike ·  1
  • 

    Philip Emerson run silent, run deep.

 

 

How about Pumpkins:

More Pumpkin Pictures Here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Step Away From Your List

Do you have any business projects, creative ideas, or weight loss goals that never happened? Have these items been on your list for more than a year? What about sewing those sox, reading that stack of books, calling that high school friend whose number has been on your fridge for 13 months?

You know what: Don’t do it. Don’t finish any of it. And cross it off your list! Actually destroy that list. Because if you haven’t done it or finished it in over 9 months,  most likely you don’t want to do it, and/or it ain’t worth doing.

However, if you absolutely MUST hold on to it (you’ve GOT to write that book,or lose those five pounds) put it to action in the next seven days. And if in the next seven days you still didn’t do anything towards that goal, fugget-about-it (live with those five pounds, try a different writing project,  and move on with your life.)

Dump It.
One of basic traits of successful people (and I mean success in all areas of life, physical, spiritual, emotional, career, etc.) is that they do not use mental energy that wastes precious time. They simplify their lives so that they can focus their attention on exactly what they want to accomplish. If you’re torn into too many directions, I guarantee you won’t get much done, but you’ll feel busier than ever.  The best way to improve your life is to get rid of the extraneous. If you strive for simplicity, you are more likely to reach any goal.

Ask yourself what the payoff for keeping unnecessarily busy has been. Is it that you are trying to please other people? Does the thought of saying no bring on too much guilt? Has your job asked too much of you? Remember, if you are involved in too many projects, it’s difficult to do a good job at any of them.

There is no “more time in the future.”
We take on future tasks without realizing that our current tasks really are not going to change and we have only added one more thing to our busy schedule. This only serves to create resentment, frustration and even sickness in the future.  When you are saying NO to something, you are saying YES to something else. Usually something more important.

 What do you want to put your attention on?
List three. Only three. I dare you. Less is more. I guarantee it, so delegate. Hire someone to clean your attic or garage. Get a virtual assistant (they are inexpensive and fun.) Let go of those books you don’t have time for. Reduce your life to only that which is most important to you. If you can’t seem to do it on your own, call me.

This season I have room for a couple of new clients, so if you're interested please visit my website at www.mszigzag.com and contact me. I'd love to help.

Nuggets of Fun with Squishy Stuff in the Middle

Where the hell have I been? Has anyone seen ZigZag? Last I saw her she was pumping iron at bootcamp and jumping through rings of fire while simultaneously chugging a tequila.  I think someone even spotted her in New York City and (dare I say) at Burning Man!

Oh wait. Here I am.

As for Burning Man,  I told you once and I'll tell you again, I'm not going to Burning Man. Not me. Never. I hate that place. It's too dusty. And hot. And I don't get along with the freaks. For cryin' out loud people are naked in that desert. Naked!? Who the hell gets naked anymore? I thought we all agreed to stay clothed until the apocalypse.

Okay, it's true. I went to Burning Man. I begged not to, but the playa whispered in my ear and as any good brainwashed cult member would do, I went.

But actually I went a lot of places this summer, not just Burning Man.  I traveled into the calm joy of starting a garden and watched tomatoes turn red from the brown of the earth. I cut my knees jumping over dried tree stumps in 10K scrambles, and traversed rivers and raced up mudslides. I dove deep into my heart and found it pumping love even though it's still squishy and fragile. I re-learned how to say yes to the right things, while at the same time remembered how to say no to the wrong things (mostly).

It was arguably one of the best summers of my life, yet I'm still haunted by my last goal of the year... the need to write a book. Any book. What gives? I've reached so many awesome goals this year, (Hawaii, New York, getting closer to my mother, poems published, back in shape, hired my own life coach, opened my heart to magic, performed at open mics and started my own poetry/music event called Aural Pleasure)  but I have not finished a book. Isn't it funny how we kick ourselves in the ass for things we haven't done, but forget all the good things we have done?

My challenge: I have too many ideas. I've started a handful of books, but have completed none. Here are my questions: do I write a novel based on true events about my unique love life and my amazing relationship with my father? Or do I write a coaching book about relationships, dating, and how to handle love-life in the 21st century? What about the awesome book about my process on tapping into intuition? And lets not forget the book about how relationships never fail, they only transform..... What on earth do I focus on now that it's almost fall and I'm able to sit still?

I'm as curious as you are to see how this all unfolds. As a life coach and a writer I am still perplexed about my own blocks and insecurities. I'm honored to share this process with you and I look forward to battling a few more demons. As Leighton Kelly says, "I was born to be cut by paper dolls and to bleed is the reward of being alive. After all, you can paint with blood, not with water. What can you do? It's fucking life and for better or worse its the only game in town." 

 

This is the reason I went to Burning Man this year. And it was awesome. Thank You Shazam!!

 

This woman wrestled me to the ground in her Tigger pajamas while I was in my Panda Suit. I wish I had it on film.

 

RAWK!! Titanium is anything but a Spectator. Super fun causing trouble with him.

  

Me and my dad's memorial . xoxo

I miss him.  

For as much as I resist, this is the place that makes life feel like heaven.

Me and Susan looking innocent in white. Don't be fooled.

The Beautiful Temple Burn.

 

 

Mayhem on Art Cars. xox

Growing a garden was one of the best experiences of my life. And that's saying a lot.

 

Brad is too cool. I hope to be half as cool as him when I grow up.

My sister London! xoxo

 

GIna Gina Gina!!! She keeps me running and smiling!

The Rickster....a brother from another mother.

 

More Open Mics! I feel so alive behind a microphone. Phallic? Nah.

Bring It On!

Summer BOOT CAMP = Hot Fun!

Blogging is not a summer sport, but boot camp in Mt. Tabor Park is!! My 2011 goal was to get back in kick-ass shape and there is no way I could do that without a trainer. Personal training can be expensive but working in small groups is affordable and fun. (That and you can make sick jokes about getting into odd positions in the grass and then flirt with shirtless men running by.)

I have been working with Jenn Lockwood of Peak Fitness Northwest twice a week in her summer training program. Four to six victims people get together twice a week to work out. The most unique part is that every day is different. Jenn knows how to mix things up and make it interesting so that you never have the same workout twice. She's got me doing things I never thought possible: hanging from pullies, balancing in all kinds of positions, running up and down loooong staircases, doing interval sprinting, strength training with balls (and other objects that I can't remember the names of)  and it's all outdoors! BONUS.

If you'd like to join me you can try it out. First session is $25 and will be credited toward your class payment if you sign up for the month. Your monthly payment depends on how many classes you want. If you have questions contact Jenn Lockwood @ www.peakfitnessnw.com

• Ski Conditioning (Boot Camp):  Mon & Wed, August 8^th – 31^st @ Mt. Tabor, 6-7:30pm
• Strength & Interval Training:  Tues & Thur, August 9^th – 30^th* @ Mt. Tabor, 6-7:15pm
• Family FUNctional Fitness:  Tuesdays, August 9^th, 16^th, 23^rd, 30^th @ Overlook Park, 10-11:15am

PS - I don't get anything for pimping her out. I just love her and her classes and wanted friends and readers to know about it.

Yeah. look at my guns.