Ever Heard the Term, "Gone Through the Wringer?"

Question/s: Are you just a little freaked out these days about the (dare-I-say-it) economy,war,swine-flu? Are you anxious more than usual? Losing your hair? Not getting laid well? Or not getting laid at all?  Jobless?  Did I cover everything? Oh, what about your health? Your  teeth? Back problems?  What's that new mole? Allergies? Overall lethargy? Come on....it's hip to be screwed!

But please, don't give into the hype.

I did. I got hit from behind I think, although it could have come from the sidelines: Depression.

We've heard it before: "Deep crisis can produce new growth."
But it's the kind of thing we forget because when you're depressed you forget to look up.

Here's the thing:  Recently I went through the wringer.

Gory details of the last 12 months: two "failed" relationships: my father died, I turned 40, went broke, and fucked up my lower back three times.  I've experienced tremendous guilt, grief, anxiety, and depression. I've come close to checking into a hospital and asking them to please remove my brain. I've gone to the depths of drinking too much to numb the pain from losing my father AND losing my mind. I've hired shrinks, coaches, psychics, and healers of all sorts. I was gifted a trip to Kauai where I was TOTALLY happy, came back, and got really sick again. Lost my voice, and screwed up my back for the third time. I've read all the books, practiced every meditation I knew how to do, and STILL found myself walking (limping) aimlessly through Portland streets with my phone turned off and wondering, "What the Fuck?" 

Here's the paradox: I'm a life coach.The irony is that the work I do with my clients has been AMAZING. I now seem to be able to tap into things intuitively and do work with clients that is by far the best work I've ever done. I see things happening with my clients that blows my mind. But although this work was fulfilling on one level, most other parts of my life was seemingly deteriorating. I would put on a poker face and then, at the end of the day, (for the last 9 months or so) when it was too hard to face my own life, I hid in my room and watched 6 seasons of scrubs. (Yes, Scrubs.)

Eventually my friends started to wonder about me and would call to check in. I didn't answer but they would still leave loving messages and invite me out. I am so grateful that I have friends like this. Unfortunately I kept my phone off and in-between episodes (of Scrubs) would ask God what on earth I was doing.

So trust me. I know what I am talking about when I tell you that deep crisis can produce new growth.

Something finally popped. After a hormonal-marathon menstrual cycle that produced new depths of depression, and all the crying and crying and more crying. I read a book called, The Path of the Dream Healer, by Adam. It was enough to allow me to breathe again. Then I read Healing Back Pain, by John Sarno. Upon reading the book, which deals with emotional triggers for back pain,  my back pain ceased.  Huh, something was shifting. Then I read Zero Limits by Joe Vitale.  I actually DID the work. I even brushed up on my EFT, and started to understand something I had forgotten. I'm fine. My life is perfect the way it is, and actually nothing is wrong with me.

I know it's a hokie concept but I decided to just focus on really loving me AS IS. I might be crazy after all these years, but I can love that too. So I wrote "I love you" on thirty pieces of paper and put them up all over my house, and in my car, and in places where I would see them. And every time I saw one of those pieces of paper I would say out loud, "Dawn, I love you." (Sometimes I say ZigZag. My identity crisis is another issue entirely.)

Success in life is measured by the amount of joy you feel. I realized that I was able to be a raging success again if I simply changed my INSIDE world. Mind you, I "know" this. I am a life coach after all, and a seasoned coach at that. 8 years in the running with 4 years of my own business under my belt. So why the hell do I forget to apply my own principles? HA.

The joy started to trickle in. I no longer felt the need to "figure it out." I'm still not totally there, and I still have work to do, but I can tell you that it's working. I don't think I'd be where I am today if it were not for the ultimate pain I went through. I've learned to use a few basic methods of mediation and healing. Namely Ho-Oponopono and EFT. (Yes, I "tried" to go on anti-depressants as a last resort, but my awesome doctor wanted me to work through this on my own first. He doesn't pill-push and I'm grateful for his faith in me.)

If you're reading this odds are we know each other, perhaps virtually, or perhaps in another life, but either way we're on the same team: Team Life. If you're going through a lot right now just remember the answer is not outside of you. You have everything you need.

I know that true success is closer than we think. All the fear out there is nothing but illusion. Once I "tapped back in" I could feel the difference. I make sure to say I love you to the divine too many times to mention. Call it flow, call it source-energy, call it god, call it Fred, I don't care what you call it but the only thing to tap into is what is INSIDE of you..not outside of you.

Does this sound cliche? Does this obvious fact annoy you?..then you haven't REALLY tapped in yet, have you?
 
I'll end with this quote from the book, Ask and It is Given: "The basis of life is freedom, the result of life is expansion, but the purpose of your life is joy."

All my love to you.
Dawn

PS - Images found at www.explodingdog.com

Comments

[Caelan Huntress]

Congrats on finding your joy again, Dawn. You deserve it!

[justin levy]

wow. what amazing courage to speak your heart in such a public forum!

We're all rootin' for you sister.