"To find yourself you need the greatest possible freedom to drift." - Francis Bacon
After three years of having my own business I figured I’d join the team by getting laid off and commiserate with all of my unemployed friends. After all , who wants a happy-go-lucky life coach? (i.e. Richard Simmons.) So I’ve decided to buckle my seatbelt and see what all the hype is about in the unemployment world. Join me in my upcoming blogs as I spill my guts on strategies for the job hunt and hand out my coaching tools.
Pokerface Gone Bad
After the realization that running a business was destroying my social life, love life, writing life, and workout schedule, I began using up all of my financial resources in a great depression and took a long break from marketing my practice. When you are not marketing, you are not selling or networking, and if you are not selling you are not getting clients, nor making money. When I finally woke up last month in a fog of disillusion, I realized I no longer had a full-time practice and I could no longer sustain myself. That, I could no longer wear the pokerface pretending my business was doing well.
Remember the character in American Beauty played by Annette Bening? There is a scene where she grits her teeth crying and says “In order to be successful you must always give the appearance of success. ” She was killing herself. My success is valued by how much joy and authenticity I’m feeling at any given moment and playing “poker face” while my heart was screaming is not a recipe for success. Being a life coach infected me with the idea that somehow I would be judged harshly if I didn’t always seem “together” or “positive.” I’ve never felt so fake in my life, being real is much more important to me.
The “Oh-Shit” phase.
Although I'm maintaining a part-time clientele (and love my current clients,) starting over is no easy task, especially when self identity is wrapped up in something I’ve created in a self-owned business. I’m not just looking for work, I’m shifting from one identity to another. A lot of people are going through this on many levels. As a society we have not looked at what this means on a macro scale. After decades of implanting the idea that you are what you "do" people have no idea how to survive without an outside definition. The unemployment rate is high, and fear is rampant, but the true issue at hand is that many people are having an identity crisis. I am no more a life coach than I am a poet, and no more a writer than I am a daughter. These outside definitions of who we are is counter intuitive to the situation at hand. Most people are not looking to rule the world, they want to live a happy life. We all know money is not love, but we also know that it pays the rent. A fascinating conundrum.
Booty Calls Won’t Help the “Oh-Shit” Phase.
I saw a sign that said, “Don’t rationalize what feels wrong.” Learning to use my emotional guidance system has been a wonderful process for the "oh shit" phase. My mind doesn't get in my way how it used to. I find that the more I learn how to use my emotions, intuitions, and feelings, the better choices I make. Looking for a job is all about making choices: cold calls, interviews, getting out of bed at a decent time, enjoying a sunny day, etc. Being in the driver’s seat and making new choices can cause a lot of anxiety, so I tell people to make sure and call the cheerleaders. Get in contact with the people that truly lift you up. Don't call an ex-lover or boyfriend for a booty call. The last thing you need is a head trip. And fuggetabout the drama queens. You don’t need anyone tearing your ear off with bullshit and cynicism. Granted, drama- free makes for less juicy blogs, but drama-free makes a healthy head. No one is going to hire you if you smell like Jerry Springer.
Even Jedi's Get help.
Read my lips: hire a career coach and join a job club. They are affordable. I’m in Vicki Lind’s
Make a Difference Job Club. I’m a friggin' coach and I’m telling you that getting an
outside perspective is invaluable. Vicki’s job club is only $45.00 for two
months. We meet twice a month. We share resources and help to define our goals.
And remember : You are not your job, and your job is not you. Going deeper into what it means to be alive and enjoying life regardless of what is happening is key to a fulfilling and successful life. Harder said than done, but enjoying the process is probably the number one rule to manifesting the best result possible. After all, an acme safe could drop on you at any second. Don't waste it worrying.
Week one:
- Joined job club.
- Got clear on my vision, while simultaneously willing to embrace other options.
- Got leads using friends, word of mouth, and the following sites: Craigslist and Indeed
- Emailed about 35 old coworkers and colleagues.
- Called five employment agencies: Express Personnel, NWstaffing, Right Brain Resource, and Boly Welch
- Meditated every day for at least 15 minutes.
- Walked 45 minutes a day, light yoga daily.
- Eating right, drinking lots of water.
- Hanging out with great friends.
- Laugh and watch movies.
- Write poetry and blogs.
Nice! so honest, so real.
I recently had to write an analysis of American Beauty from a Family Systems perspective. The two families in that movie were an extreme of a typical American family.
Success seems an impossible trick, the word is a vague container waiting to be filled by our own ideals. Ideals are at the mercy of our own self-image, a flimsy and insatiable structure. Leaping from achievement to achievement expecting to be filled, we are greeted only with the taste of old feelings of failure that the self-image veils.
Falling into tears, undefended, we touch and taste our own vulnerable humanity. Humbled by our own inability to fulfill an impossible task.
To live as this true and humbled self moment to moment, whether it feels weak or deeply supported by the richness of existence, is beyond ideas of success.
Posted by: Dan Chapman | July 07, 2009 at 11:32 AM