Ms. ZigZag

42 Things I've Learned in 42 years.

Rumi trying out the new wig.

Major kudos goes out to all my friends that made it to 40 without overdosing, driving off a cliff, or slitting their wrists. Getting this far in life is a real accomplishment, and doing it with grace even more so. Today I turned 42. I never pictured myself 42. I just assumed it wouldn't happen, or if it did happen I would know what to do once I got there. The truth is that I don't feel a day over 26, although I guess I could say I'm a little wiser. I can definitely say that I've learned a few tricks along the way...

42 Things I've learned in 42 Years.

1) Once in your lifetime work in a career where you make a difference and can have direct impact helping others. But only do it for a few years because it can burn you out. After that just do stuff that makes you happy.

2) True loyalty is a rare quality.

3) Men and women never get tired of hearing how beautiful they are.

4) The secret ingredient is usually butter, in obscene amounts.
 
5) Break lots of rules, and practice breaking them. You will learn quickly that most rules don't matter. 

6) Be selfish enough to become a strong example of a healthy person.

7) Everyone likes somebody who gets to the point quickly.

8) Hold the door open for anyone headed your way. Be a good example of good manners. However, if someone doesn't hold the door open for you be sure to yell, "Thanks asshole," and make them feel like the scum of the earth they truly are.

9) There's no such thing as a failed relationship, but there is such a thing as a failure to communicate the truth.


10) Having a good chiropractor is one of the best things you can do for yourself. (Dr. Jake May)

11) Grudges only make you sick. They don't fix anything. However, short bursts of anger at the right time can help alleviate a lot of tension as long as you don't actually punch someone in the face. And if you do punch someone in the face be sure you know how.  I once broke my hand trying to punch a boyfriend and learned quickly that punching was more complicated than it looks.

12) Boob size really doesn't matter.
 Embracing your life purpose really does matter.

13) It's better to sing off key than to not sing at all.

14) Thinking too much will get you nowhere. Trusting your body and your gut (intuitions) will get you exactly where you need to go.

15) Proof is nothing but a collection of opinions that match your own.

16) Let go of the past completely, it is the only way to create a happy future for yourself.


17) Sometime it's more about how you look than how you feel.

18) If you work from home don’t wear your yoga clothes all day. Change clothes at least once a day, and when possible wear something with sparkles.

19) Look people in the eye and send them love even when they don’t know you’re doing it. 


20) When you see a kick-ass pair of boots or shoes in your size buy them. 

21) Traditional gender roles make things simpler.


22) No matter how many times you get hurt, keep your heart open to love. If you close up your heart you're only hurting yourself.

23) Pay as little attention to CNN as possible. 


24) If you're bitter and jaded you're fucked. 


25) Do some kind of art for yourself, even if it seems trivial.  You don't need to be an artist to enjoy the healing powers of art.


26) Men love women with a tummy. You don't need a flat stomach to be sexy.

27) Strong men know how to love. Weak men fear intimacy.

28) I've never watched television and I have never noticed. 


29) Surround yourself with people that push you to be a better person.

30) It's good to have people around you that aren't afraid to tell you when your wrong.


31)  You don't need to be in love to have great sex. Sex is awesome. You deserve to enjoy the pleasures of your body.

32) If you've been told you're talented you're screwed if you think that's your ticket to success. Pure talent alone will get you nowhere. You must have discipline in order to succeed. 


33) Panda suits, wigs and silly outfits are your divine right. Wear them often.

34) Whatever it is, get over it sooner rather than later whenever possible.


35) Tell it like it is. People love the truth. They see right through you when your trying to play things safe.

36) Get sober for a few months at a time. If you can't stop drinking alcohol for a few months at a time you need help. Seriously.


37) Cardio. Cardio. Cardio. Step away from the donuts and take a walk. A brisk walk. Three times a week. Stop bitching and do it.
 Your heart will last longer.

38) Death is part of the game, start getting used to it.
 Celebrate death. Enjoy it. Make it something sacred and beautiful out of death. Write your will with a smile.

39) Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself.
 
40) Having money is a good thing. Chasing Money is a bad thing. 


41) Work with nice people.
 If you're spending your time working with people that don't appreciate you, and do not make you feel good, you are not in the right place.

42) It's more important to love than to win.

 

 

 

Two Parties. Two Outfits. Two Hours. One Big Virus.

Two Hours. Two Nights. Two Outfits.

Above are pics from Friday night's Robot Love Party.  Below are pics from Threshold's Chinese New Year Party. I was sober as a clam (if that's even a term) at both of the parties.

I've been practicing sobriety on and off lately for two reasons. First, I have a case of acid reflux that is triggered by alcohol and I'm on a mission to fix my tummy.  Second, I'm just curious what it's like to be around 50 - 500 of my closest friends sober. Its no secret that these music-festival-like parties have copious amounts of alcohol, among other delectables, flying around, and I'm a little tired of getting drunk on the weekends only to wake up with a hangover and losing a day of clarity. Call me old, call me mature, call me full of shit. All I know is that if I'm going to get a hangover it better be worth it. After a total of two hours at each party I was bored. Drugs and alcohol definitely would have helped.

So I went home and got a great night's sleep.  One would think I'd be healthy and feeling spry. Instead I caught some nasty bug that friends are calling the "Vision Quest Virus." All I can do is lie in bed, snorting on my own phlegm, thinking about how it would be great if I could move my head. The pain in my body is nuts. Fever, chills, sweats. If I try, I can sort of pretend I'm on Acid. I tried to walk my dog, got 20 feet and told her she was on her own. Luckily she peed and followed me back in the house. I can't sleep and I keep seeing Mr. Balloon Hands flying around.

I can barely even write this blog. Be ye not so dumb as me, stay in, or if you go out get drunk. It might kill the germs.

 

This out fit reminds me of highschool in the 80's. I totally loved it.

This is Jesse's Mr. Balloon Face.

Year of the Rabbit.

 

I'm so serious about my cleavage.

Looks like she is walking on the floor. I am too lazy to fix this picture because I am sick.

I should wear my hair like this more often.

Back to Robots.

Peter and Jason Contemplating Mars.

I bet Captain Kirk would hit on me in this outfit. ;)

 

 

 

Changing the World One Panda Suit at a Time

Thanks to those that donated to my Panda Suit Campaign. It's magical. i love my Panda Suit. My first shoot was on the Oregon coast. Next stop Maui. And then New York City. This Panda Suit might make it around the world.

I didn't feel silly at all walking  onto the beach in my new Panda Suit. Quite the contrary. I felt invigorated and alive. Joyful. All of my sadness left me. I was no longer trapped inside my head. I was set free in a Panda Suit. I felt like a 10 year old girl full of expectation and happiness.

 

We forget the blissful moments we can get when we let go and just do things for the fun of it.  There is war and ice caps melting and sinners sinning, but with a Panda Suit you get to make brand new smiles. I think that's important to remember.

 
Woof.

A big thank you to Rua for taking these shots!

 

Lake-no-negro, klonopin, and martinis.

  
Me and Melissa yuckin it up. 

I was in Lake Oswego Friday night (they call it lake-no-negro- which goes to show how possibly unfriendly it is, located 15 minutes from Portland.) It's a pretty little town, conservative,  seemingly calm. I think a lot of fucked up stuff must go on behind closed doors. Rumors are that the police there can be dickheads, so you get the picture. Why was I there? Because of a few great little spots, and some wonderful people hidden in the background.

I had two vodka-basil-martinis which kicked-ass at the Oswego Lake House, which is actually one of my favorite places to eat, especially in summertime.  Fast-forward:  I went outside to bum a smoke in the parking garage and low and behold I see a gorgeous chick lying on the concrete floor, legs splayed out on the ground, hiccuping in a tiger-fur-shawl, wearing a black dress with a white flower in her hair. She was dark haired and pretty,  babbling drunk demon-speak in between hiccups and obvioulsy drunk off her ass.

So I did what any west-coast chick from New York would do:  I asked her if she needed help and if she had a smoke.  She lifted her head with a hiccup, sat up, opened her purse and gave me a cig. She told me (in various bouts of babbling vowels) that she was the bride's maid, is sick of weddings, and never wants to marry. Then she dropped a bottle of klonopin all over the ground. One by one we picked each yellow pill up and put them back in the bottle. I told her not to take any drugs while intoxicated. She said, "Do you want one? "and I'm thinking, "What the hell is klonopin?" She tells me it's a benzo, and puts one in my jean's pocket saying, "Thank you."

In these situations I get a little concerned.  I like to take responsibility for people I meet even if they are a stranger.  After-all, we are all suffering from some tragic deep sadness we can't explain, or a frustration we don't want to admit.  Most of us have been too drunk to walk at least once in our lives and sometimes we go too far. The human condition is not an easy one. I have a lot of sympathy for the masses out there trying to understand this thing called life.

Out of nowhere Adam (or Jeremy, i forget his name) walks over to us and says, "I found your keys" pointing at hiccup-girl.  I sussed him out. I gave him the, " I'll call the police look" (although i had no intention of calling the police, but it's more about the look than the intention.)  I worry about women when they are wasted in pretty dresses. She perked up, seemed to know the guy and trust him, and then said,  "thanks again for taking care of me,"  as if I did something unusual.

So the dude (Adam, Jeremy?) looks at me with innocent scared eyes. He's doesn't seem a threat from what i can tell, apologizing for my time. I told him that there was nothing to apologize for, that I was happy to help. So we lifted her into the car, and she slunked over sad, obviously wishing the night was more fun-filled. I managed to get the bottle of pills from her and handed them to him, asking him to keep them away from her until she was sober.

And **poof** they were gone. Later in the night, after I got home, one yellow pill  fell out of my jeans and it made me wonder if she got home safe. Times like these I wish I could do more, but it all happens so fast.

 

 

i ain't gonna spend time wondering why I never made it. I've already made it.

"It's times like this i need to lose my inhibitions
Raise my fist and forget about decisions
Help assist in the party that i'm giving
Take on the vibe and soon you will be singing"

Fuck trying to write this blog entry.  I couldn't write it any better than this guy, Dubfx. I bought his album and it's being shipped from Australia, old school style, with real money and a disk. I'm actually paying the musician directly. Directly. Who'd a thunk it possible. Thank god. 

great comment on one of his videos, just goes to show if you do what you love...

"I bought his CD. It just came today. Well worth the $22. Normally I don't pay for music, but I'd send this dude money even if I didn't get anything for it just because I want him to continue to make awesome music. I feel especially good about it because I know he's getting all the money because he's selling his own music....no greedy record company between him and me.that rox, god bless da future."

(skip to 2:27 if you want to jump to the song.)

 

Made It, by Dubfx

I’ve got my eyes open wide to the ceiling
I’m lying on my back in the centre of a room
I’ve got a voice giving me a funny feeling
Its telling me the world’s going to end real soon
I’ve got to get a job otherwise I’m unappealing
Do my little dance for the man and consume
So i let my energy build for the healing
So i can reign down with my super sonic boom
I’m held down by a fog on my way to the top
All clouded and the pressure won’t rise
I’m on a mission to the sky with the stars in my eyes
Yet the weather won’t compromise
Like a ball on a chain that is strapped to my brain
I’m a prisoner inside of my dreams
So i will appreciate the future of a day
Where the clouds open up and scream
And i sing now

I aint gonna spend my time wondering why i never made it
I’ve already made it
I aint gonna spend my days thinking about why i never made it

Like the pages of a novel at the bottom of a shelf
I grow stiff yet i keep my pride
Like the one raindrop in the centre of a rose
I’m in heaven with a world outside
Like another metaphor to describe my vibe
I’m just a vessel for my conscious needs
So i will appreciate the future of a day
Where the clouds open up and scream
And i sing now

I aint gonna spend my time…

Its times like this i need to lose my inhibitions
Raise my fist and forget about decisions
Help assist in the party that im giving
Take on the vibe and soon you will be singing
That its times like this ya need to lose your inhibitions
Just raise your fist and forget about decisions
I’ll help assist in that party that we’re giving
Take on the vibe and soon ya will be singing
I aint gonna spend my time wandering why, i never made it
I’ve already made it.

Don't like me? No problem. I'm not here to please everyone.

“If you're trying to please everyone, then you're not going to make anything that is honestly yours." - Viggo Mortensen

I have many good friends and people that love me, but one thing has held true over the years and that's this: some people don’t like me. Which is a good thing because I have no intention of pleasing everyone. As a matter of fact, I like it when someone has the balls to admit that they don’t particularly like me. (Odds are I'm not a fan of them either.)  And it's a form of honesty that I respect. The bottom line is that there will be times in our lives when we come across people who do not like us.

Rather than taking it personally, we can let them be whom they are, accept their different perspectives and opinions, and move on. When we give others that freedom, we claim it for ourselves. 

While approval from others is a nice feeling, when we come to depend on it we lose our way from our own path.

For instance I talk a lot, I’m a strong-willed highly opinionated woman who is fast and keen and unafraid to be myself. I can be highly intimidating, gregarious, and loud.  I’m not offended when someone doesn’t invite me to a party. There are some people I don't invite to my parties either. It goes both ways.

On the flip-side, I am highly compassionate, kind, loving, sensitive, tender, sweet and will go out of my way to help a friend. I have supported hundreds of people through coaching, teaching, writing and loving.

There are those who will not like you no matter what you do, but that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you. 

As we grow into our authentic selves, as long as we are doing no real harm (I’m not talking about violence or meanness) we grow to appreciate the feeling of fully being ourselves. The need to have everyone like us will be replaced by the excitement of discovering that we are attracting like-minded people into our lives—people who like us because they understand and appreciate the truth of who we are.

By doing this, we can be free from trying to twist into characters that limit us, and instead gain a new sense of freedom, allowing us to expand into becoming exactly who we’re meant to be.

In graduate school I learned some of the best advice from my professor, Mr. Keeble, he said, “If people aren’t arguing over your writing, if people don’t dislike your writing as much as other people love it, you’re doing something wrong. Good writing should be so real that it hits emotional chords, sometimes people are afraid of what truth sounds like. Those that don’t like your work don’t have to read it, but those that love your work will defend you and read you forever. Be 100% you.”

 
This was at the beach house last summer. Whiskey in hand, scantily clad, and ready for action!

 

Hiked up Triple Falls this weekend. This is  Huxley. Look at his eyes. (swoon, what a cutie pie.)

A la the gorgeous Susan.

Cascade rockin the tree climbing.

  Jason communicates in sign language to the woodland hobbits.

   

One of the many waterfalls on the hike,  we got to hike underneath it.

Time bandits lovin' the soosh!

Look at me. What a freakin slacker hack I am! I went from daily blogging to a 7 day break. I did the typical "oh, I'll get to it in five minutes," and then my ADD kicked in and shiny objects were flyin all over the place and the next thing you know I'm wearing panda suits, freakin' out about Egypt, and running out the door to eat sushi. BAM! It's 7 days later and no blog.

Look at that gi-normous piece of salmon sashimi. And yes I got most of that sucker right into my luscious mouth. OH, I can taste it from here. It's almost too big, but can sushi ever really be too big? Jason and I raided Saburo's in Sellwood. It's like a vortex where all large soosh monsters come to grow.

It took Jason several minutes to understand the implications of what he was about to put in his mouth. Gotta love his shirt though. It's a perfect soosh shirt.

I mean seriously, look how perfect the fried Showgun roll goes with his shirt. I was impressed when Jason was able to fit this whole thing in his mouth. Semi-phalic, and sexy.

It's like they cut up a whole salmon just for us. We could barely finish it, and we each had leftovers for lunch the next day. The whole bill (inlcuding drinks) was 46 bucks. I swear you can't beat that. Mammoth soosh galore for two. Now I want more.

The real question is what can I do to make sure I blog at least 4 times a week? I think that  I will reward myself weekly with a new yummy culinary treat if I meet my goal. If I don't meet my goal all I get is peanut butter and jelly. Stay tuned. Next week I'm going to indulge in something exotic. Like cougar testicles, or monkey brains.

Any suggestions on an exotic restaurant to try out in Portland?