(walking through an imaginary doorway that took me to a new dimension)
It's mid-January and my attempt at changing my life (habits, patterns) has become a flip-flp of wins and losses. They say in life coaching that when you embark on changing your patterns monkey wrenches will appear everywhere. This happens with almost all my clients: they will get sick, the boiler will burst, their cars will break down or their relationships will crash. The theory is that the external world is a reflection of the internal world, and when you try to make big internal changes it causes confusion and mayhem that is then exhibited externally. I am no exception. This is when most people quit and say, "I guess now is just not the right time." The irony is that is it the PERFECT time to stay strong and continue on your path of change.
From Spaguetti to Grace
As soon as I made the commitment to change my life and become more vigilant in my business, writing practice, and health all sorts of things seemed to get in my way. The hardest one has been navigating a relationship in my life that has brought me intense confusion. When it comes to love I am a bowl of spaghetti. I'm one of those die-hard romantics and being in love is either a blessing or a curse. If things are not going well, I feel my whole world collapse. I find myself deep in depression and all of my fears surface making me want to sit around and drink and cry and say fuck it. The hardest part is that I tell myself, "I should be better than to let this get to me." And this makes me feel shame. I'm a business woman, life coach, and badass. I'm the type of woman that tries to live by example to show strength and help lift others up. So when I find myself trapped in emotional paralysis the number one thing I do is hide and feel embarrassed. I don't answer the phone, I don't socialize, and I feel like a complete failure.
Learning Grace through Suffering
Luckily, I am strong enough to recognize the benefit of suffering, and the benefit of support. I've hired a new therapist who is also a world class coach and the investment in my future is worth it. There is no need for us to suffer alone. We all slide down the rabbit hole from time to time, and the key is to focus on getting out of the hole as quickly as possible. Suffering can add a softness and grace to our souls. I recently read an article called "Dealing with Suffering and Seeing it As Grace" and it says a lot about using these difficult feelings in order to embrace vulnerability.
I've also become a fan of Brene Brown. Below is an amzing Ted talk about her research regarding shame, connectedness and vulnerability. There is a true strength that emerges from facing these scary places. I guess I'm learning, once again, to just start over. It's mid January and my goals are still in tact even if I've faltered a bit. I'm glad I can share this with you and hope you find some kind of peace in knowing that you don't have to give up just because things get rough. If anything, the rough spots teach us the most about ourselves.
(Please hit the like button and share with others.)
Thank you again! <3
Posted by: Alena Buttars | January 20, 2012 at 07:55 PM