Ms. ZigZag

5 Things I've Learned in the Last 5 Days

The above photo is an ad I saw in 'W' magazine for women's lingerie. Apparently spanking a bunch of man-boys is supposed to sell women's underwear?

#1

Knowing is more powerful than believing, but knowing the best time to know is more profound than just knowing.

#2

Hold onto to the people that make you feel the best. 

#3

Loving someone unconditionally is like cutting into your own throat and being okay with the gore.

 #4

Failing is okay. Aiming Low is not.

#5

When you are getting ready to go on vacation in Hawaii it's impossible to think of anything else. I'll try to catch up with my challenge of 30 poems in 30 days. Get ready for cheezy fun poems about beaches, naked people, and tequila.  

 

 

 

 

 

12 Things I've Learned in 2012

Are you still out there?  I took two months off my blog because I was recovering from a bad break up.

It went like this: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl really dig each other. Boy and girl realize it’s bad timing. Boy and girl break up.

Then I cried a lot, felt really insecure, ate pizza and chocolate, drank wine and commiserated with best friends...

...and then I hired a really amazing life coach who changed my life.  Low and behold I feel great again. I think the best part about aging is that you can recover faster from crappy shit life dishes out. 

Here are the top ten twelve things I’ve learned (or re-learned)  since the beginning of 2012:

1. Greatness is in the comeback. “Greatness is not defined in moments of victory; it is defined in the moments after a defeat.” - Darren Hardy
   
   
2. If someone says they are not ready to be in a relationship move on and don't think you can change them. 
   
   
3. Yoda already gave you the memo: "There is no try, there is only do or do not."
   
   
4. Ask big questions. Not just to yourself, or good friends, but to strangers you meet. Strangers love big questions. Embrace the unknown with someone you don't know. 
   
   
5. You are allowed to change your mind along the way. However if you change it, do it with courage. Say, "i changed my mind." You're allowed to do that. 
   
   
6. Cardio alone does not give you a great body. Muscle confusion and resistance training is the best way to a rockin’ bod. 
   
   
7. Own yourself without apology. Are you loud? Edgy? Kooky? Quiet? Bold? Own it. Be you first....take your stance. The best example you can create is authenticity. 
   
   
8. Sleep and drink your way to the top. Sleep is key to a happy life and water is key to the fountain of youth.  
   
   
9. Don't stay angry for more than a couple of days about anything. Anger, although useful, has a shelf life.  
   
   
10. Speak with conviction. Don't be a pussy.
    
    
11. Warm feet make a huge difference. If your feet are cozy you will look sexier and better on a dance floor than swaying in heels.
    
    
12. Doing less is actually doing more. The more simple life gets, the better you feel. (It takes a lot of discipline to create sanity, but it's totally worth the effort.) 

Female Panda with automatic weapon

Male Panda with shotgun

Alphaba the Superbird getting love from Pink and Eben

Neisha and I in Bend

 

From Drill Sergeant to Mashed Potatoes.

Alvord 2010

Week two of the new year:  This is the week I wonder why the heck I decided to have so many new goals in the first place. After a week of vigilant living I crashed and burned. But only for a few days. I'm learning what it means to pick myself up and continue to strive past my blocks.

In the book, The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodrom she writes (in reference to meditation):

"The first couple of days we think, "I'm going to do this perfectly," and we practice with intense effort to sit right, walk right, breathe right, keep the silence, do everything. We really push; we have a project. Then at a certain point we say, "Oh, for goodness' sake! What in the world am I doing?" We say just drop the whole thing and go to the other extreme - "I couldn't care less." The humor and the beauty of practice is that gong from one extreme to another is not considered to be an obstacle; sometimes we're like a drill sergeant, sometimes we're like mashed potatoes. Basically, once we have some sort of joyful curiosity about the whole thing, it's simply all information, gathering information we need to find our own balance."

Sticking to my goals hasn't been easy. I've managed to get up early only about 4 days and have slipped into some bad habits, but each day is a gift for me to start again. I'm still getting ahead of myself, but not as quickly as I had initially thought. I think this is normal, and I'm learning a lot about myself in the process. Some things have been really successful (yoga, cardio, meditation) other things have been harder (waking up early everyday, sticking to a stringent schedule, keeping focused.) I adjust as I go, and still have my eye on the prize. My greatest gift has been a new found gentleness I have towards myself and my weaknesses.

I think the most important thing is to not give up. We all slip and slide. We all have parts of us that wants to throw in the towel. However, the best part about being human is that we get to shake off our past and know that each day is a new future. There is no need to beat ourselves up for not being perfect. Practice does not make perfect. Practice just makes us better.

 

Starting the New Year with The Three P's.

Always, always ask yourself what you want more of, instead of what you don’t want.
- Ms.ZigZag

Happy Freakin-Oh-My-God it's Really 2012! I feel like I woke up in the future, but it's the present and what an amazing present it is.

I spent the glorious moment of midnight snowshoeing up the lower part of Mt. Hood with a handful of new friends. The quiet solitude of snow and moonlight made me feel like I was a kid again.  Across the valley at the foot of the mountain fireworks went off at the ski resort creating a fantastic glow of color lighting up the snow in an array of rainbow light! It was one of the most magical experiences I could have asked for calling in the new year.

The Three P's

Now that we are in 2012 people are getting more and more impatient with the world around them.  I think the internet has created impatient control freaks everywhere. We are addicted to speed and can't seem to accept that things take time to manifest. Someone once told me,"Life is like a good stew, it needs to be stirred slowly."   But I argue that life is not actually slow. If you establish a good routine, do one small thing everyday to bring you closer to your number one goal, you will find that all kinds of success will come your way.

Perseverance. When all is said and done, perseverance is the ultimate success tool. Nothing can replace it. Doing a little bit everyday towards one important goal will give you a sense of self confidence that nothing else can give you. Once you establish a momentum, you will become unstoppable.

Play is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Unstructured play is important for emotional release, creativity, and overall health.  Find time to play and be silly, whether it be racketball, scrabble, knock knock jokes, or walking silly. Trust me, not only will you appreciate it, but those around you will seek you out for more!

Prayer has been proven to work in many areas of life. Some call it mediation, but I call it prayer. Talk it out - (out loud is the important part) - and see how the world changes around you. Something or someone is listening. Call it God,  Higher Power, Source Energy or Fred. It doesn’t seem to matter what label you give it, it works. So if you need a boost, say a prayer.

My Morning Routine Update:

I've successfully been waking up at 6:45am and doing my morning routine. Some people have asked what my morning routine looks like. See below. My goal is to "book-end" by day with a routine, so that I can train my body and mind to accomplish a lot this year without it feeling like an uphill battle. After about 6 weeks this routine will get easier and easier.

*Keep in mind all the great success stories of any genre (art, sports, business) have a strict daily routine that helps them establish solid habits and a good state of mind.

I've been doing this for two weeks (taking weekends off):

6:45 wake. Usually I hit snooze. This gives me 10 minutes to cuddle with my dog and to mentally go over my gratitude list. (I've been doing a mental morning gratitude list for 3 years.) I've recently added "mental love notes" where I send love to three people. Sometimes I know these people well, sometimes they are acquaintances I've just met. I got the idea for mental love notes reading The Compound Effect, by Darren Hardy. This part of my day really feels good.

Out of bed by 7am. No excuses. I walk downstairs to the kitchen and start brewing my tea. During this time I stretch, step out on my porch and take a deep breath of fresh air. About 7:10ish I sit down with my tea and either read or listen to something inspirational. No checking email. No facebook. I either listen to an audio book, or I read for 30 minutes. Around this time my dog wakes up. Believe it or not my dog likes to lay in bed longer than me, but when she gets up I feed her and then walk her. Sometimes I bring my audio book with me on the walk and listen while I walk.

My goal is to be back at my desk by 8:00am. I spend 15 minutes reviewing my daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly goals and then I write 2-5 pages of my book until 9:30.

After that  - the day takes over. I have clients to attend to and I will need to find time for exercise. My weekly workout goal is cardio 4 times a week with yoga or weights 2-3 times a week. So far so good.

Evening Routine

My evening routine is simple. I just go to bed by 9:45-10. I am usually asleep by 11. I try to end the day with more inspirational reading / personal development since they say that the last thing you read/listen to is processed during sleep.

And Finally...

For those that wanted to know if I actually made a naked snow angel in the snow on January 1st. I did and here is the picture to prove it. Yes, I'm screaming. But it was worth every glorious second. Thanks to Brad and Gina for the push.

Happy New Year! I dare you to do the unthinkable this year! 

 

 

 

 

Nuggets of Fun with Squishy Stuff in the Middle

Where the hell have I been? Has anyone seen ZigZag? Last I saw her she was pumping iron at bootcamp and jumping through rings of fire while simultaneously chugging a tequila.  I think someone even spotted her in New York City and (dare I say) at Burning Man!

Oh wait. Here I am.

As for Burning Man,  I told you once and I'll tell you again, I'm not going to Burning Man. Not me. Never. I hate that place. It's too dusty. And hot. And I don't get along with the freaks. For cryin' out loud people are naked in that desert. Naked!? Who the hell gets naked anymore? I thought we all agreed to stay clothed until the apocalypse.

Okay, it's true. I went to Burning Man. I begged not to, but the playa whispered in my ear and as any good brainwashed cult member would do, I went.

But actually I went a lot of places this summer, not just Burning Man.  I traveled into the calm joy of starting a garden and watched tomatoes turn red from the brown of the earth. I cut my knees jumping over dried tree stumps in 10K scrambles, and traversed rivers and raced up mudslides. I dove deep into my heart and found it pumping love even though it's still squishy and fragile. I re-learned how to say yes to the right things, while at the same time remembered how to say no to the wrong things (mostly).

It was arguably one of the best summers of my life, yet I'm still haunted by my last goal of the year... the need to write a book. Any book. What gives? I've reached so many awesome goals this year, (Hawaii, New York, getting closer to my mother, poems published, back in shape, hired my own life coach, opened my heart to magic, performed at open mics and started my own poetry/music event called Aural Pleasure)  but I have not finished a book. Isn't it funny how we kick ourselves in the ass for things we haven't done, but forget all the good things we have done?

My challenge: I have too many ideas. I've started a handful of books, but have completed none. Here are my questions: do I write a novel based on true events about my unique love life and my amazing relationship with my father? Or do I write a coaching book about relationships, dating, and how to handle love-life in the 21st century? What about the awesome book about my process on tapping into intuition? And lets not forget the book about how relationships never fail, they only transform..... What on earth do I focus on now that it's almost fall and I'm able to sit still?

I'm as curious as you are to see how this all unfolds. As a life coach and a writer I am still perplexed about my own blocks and insecurities. I'm honored to share this process with you and I look forward to battling a few more demons. As Leighton Kelly says, "I was born to be cut by paper dolls and to bleed is the reward of being alive. After all, you can paint with blood, not with water. What can you do? It's fucking life and for better or worse its the only game in town." 

 

This is the reason I went to Burning Man this year. And it was awesome. Thank You Shazam!!

 

This woman wrestled me to the ground in her Tigger pajamas while I was in my Panda Suit. I wish I had it on film.

 

RAWK!! Titanium is anything but a Spectator. Super fun causing trouble with him.

  

Me and my dad's memorial . xoxo

I miss him.  

For as much as I resist, this is the place that makes life feel like heaven.

Me and Susan looking innocent in white. Don't be fooled.

The Beautiful Temple Burn.

 

 

Mayhem on Art Cars. xox

Growing a garden was one of the best experiences of my life. And that's saying a lot.

 

Brad is too cool. I hope to be half as cool as him when I grow up.

My sister London! xoxo

 

GIna Gina Gina!!! She keeps me running and smiling!

The Rickster....a brother from another mother.

 

More Open Mics! I feel so alive behind a microphone. Phallic? Nah.

Bring It On!

Summer BOOT CAMP = Hot Fun!

Blogging is not a summer sport, but boot camp in Mt. Tabor Park is!! My 2011 goal was to get back in kick-ass shape and there is no way I could do that without a trainer. Personal training can be expensive but working in small groups is affordable and fun. (That and you can make sick jokes about getting into odd positions in the grass and then flirt with shirtless men running by.)

I have been working with Jenn Lockwood of Peak Fitness Northwest twice a week in her summer training program. Four to six victims people get together twice a week to work out. The most unique part is that every day is different. Jenn knows how to mix things up and make it interesting so that you never have the same workout twice. She's got me doing things I never thought possible: hanging from pullies, balancing in all kinds of positions, running up and down loooong staircases, doing interval sprinting, strength training with balls (and other objects that I can't remember the names of)  and it's all outdoors! BONUS.

If you'd like to join me you can try it out. First session is $25 and will be credited toward your class payment if you sign up for the month. Your monthly payment depends on how many classes you want. If you have questions contact Jenn Lockwood @ www.peakfitnessnw.com

• Ski Conditioning (Boot Camp):  Mon & Wed, August 8^th – 31^st @ Mt. Tabor, 6-7:30pm
• Strength & Interval Training:  Tues & Thur, August 9^th – 30^th* @ Mt. Tabor, 6-7:15pm
• Family FUNctional Fitness:  Tuesdays, August 9^th, 16^th, 23^rd, 30^th @ Overlook Park, 10-11:15am

PS - I don't get anything for pimping her out. I just love her and her classes and wanted friends and readers to know about it.

Yeah. look at my guns.

 

 

 

The East Coast Sneak

 

Me, Lisa, and Claudine. Chillin in Brooklyn.

I can't believe it's only been a month since my last blog. Is time speeding up or what? In one respect I feel like one month has been a year's worth of learning, yet it's going by so fast.  Whatever it is....I feel like my life is being compressed into delicious fudge.

As some of you know I snuck back to New York City for a few weeks to help my mother and visit a few friends. I am sorry to those that I didn't get a chance to see, but this was a specific trip for specific purposes and sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

I find it interesting that New York City is considered such an influential city. No one composts, recycling is not taking very seriously, and the majority of people don't seem to know, or believe in, the power of intention, energy, or progressive science. Pollution in New York is out of control and most people don't even look you in the eye when they walk by you. I guess I'm just spoiled from living in the greatest place on earth: the Pacific Northwest. We seem to have it all out here.  Big cities. Happy people and healthy, progressive living. I've never been more proud to call Portland, Oregon my true home.

Never Stop Smiling

During my time in NY I had to find a way to combat all the negative attitudes and tense energy.  The city streets were filled with hundreds of legs and arms bumping into each other. People looked withered and zombie-like. I was amazed at the lack of common courtesy. New York is exciting, but it is also overcrowded, noisy, dirty and trashy. My heart went out to all the haggard faces. I'm sure that there are a lot of wonderful happy people in NYC, but the grand blur of what I saw made it hard to feel at peace amongst them. I tried my best to keep smiling and be polite. I have come to realize that my gentleness is my strength and I used my gentle energy to guide me. I was often asked where I was from and told, "you're too nice to be from around here."

A bus driver even made fun of me, telling me I was going to get hurt if I kept smiling so much. I just kept smiling.

 

 The view from Brooklyn looking at the Brooklyn bridge. The smell is awful, but the view is nice.

Justin and Me. He moved to NYC  9 months ago. Now he's coming back to Portland!! AW YEAH. Nothing beats P*Town.

 

 

Daywalker Dawn: the things I do in daylight.

Years ago, after my divorce, I used to stay up late on weekdays unable to sleep due to anxiety and depression. On weekends I'd wear crazy costumes and rock out all night hoping  something would save me from having to confront all my grief, my life undone, and my lost dreams. The night life grew weary, and ultimately boring.

Now, although heartache can still sneak it's way under my door, I find myself feeling (dare I say) happy. I'm enjoying my single-dom and although I look forward to meeting my life partner someday soon, I'm patient enough to enjoy the time I have right now. I would dare to say my life is composed. In bed by 10, I get up at 7am. I run. I meditate. I garden. I read and write. I stare out my window for long periods of time. My coaching clients are wonderful and bring me joy, and my writing clients are easy to work with.  I know all the craziness is just inches from my grasp, and I fully intend on embracing the crazy again, but for now calmness is key. 

Now, if I can only get my dog to quit snorting heroin and stop sneaking hookers in at a night through the back door. I can't blame her really, since she takes after her mother. 

 

 

After 30 poems I'm at a loss for words (but not really)

Me, Taylor Mali and Sage Cohen

Those that know me well know that I am never at a loss for words. I can talk and talk and talk anyone under the table. However, after 30 days of 30 poems I don't even know what to say. My head is in a spin.

It was an amazing month of poetry with visits from Taylor Mali and his wife Marie-Elizabeth. They are a dynamic duo and hugely inspirational for me. I also managed to go to the Portland Poetry Slam which was badass and happens every Sunday night at Backspace in Portland. I highly recommend you check it out. It's full of humor, amazing writers and performers, with star-quality local poets.

Some of you wondered why I deleted all of my poems from April. The truth is, it is totally bogus because literary mags consider anything appearing online as "previously published" and won't accept your work if it appears on your blog. I think that is total bullshit because what if I made 300 photo copies of my poems and handed them out to friends, which is the same thing, really,  as having it on a blog. Would that be considered "published?" I think not. Which makes me offer you a handmade book of my poems if you want it. If you're interested I will put together a little booklet and mail it to you. Just email me and I'll send you some of my work renegade style. Someday those poems will be published and in print. So maybe these will someday be collectors items? One can only dream.....

Now I'm off to revise my poems and send them out for publication. That's the part that is tedious. But it's worth it. I love poetry. It's the one thing guaranteed to soothe the soul.

 
 
  Drew and Taylor taking poetry VERY seriously.

Taylor and his large arms.

 

Brad and Gina two of my favorite naughty poets.

Me and Marie- Elizabeth Mali (she kicks ass)

 

Me and Taylor yuckin' it up and clashing patterns nicely.

Marie-Elizabeth throwin' it down.

Marie-Elizabeth reading from her book, Steady My Gaze.

If you love edgy poetry that taps into the human condition and speaks with power order her book. Scroll down on this link.

 

We Interrupt This Blog to Show You My BOOMSTICK.

Yesterday I didn't post a poem for Poetry month due to my utter exhaustion from spending the whole day out in the woods shooting guns. I had no idea it would be so tiring. Part of it was the adrenaline rush, the other was the kick-back from four hours of shooting various weapons.

As most of you know I grew up with a gun totin' vigilante father in the Bronx in the 80's. When I was little (probably about 10 years old) he would let me handle and polish his weapons and taught me very strict rules about gun safety. 

I didn't do much shooting in my youth. Lately I've had it on my radar. With the impending Apocalypse upon us, it seems apropos that I get my tank-girl on!

The 357 Magnum was my favorite gun to shoot. I thought I would like the 9 MM Semi-Auto more than the Magnum, but this is a really classic gun. 357 bullets are no joke. Personally I enjoyed the 357 Magnum with 38 Special ammo.

Surprisingly the kick-back from the Ruger Mini-14 was much less of an impact on my body than the 357 Magnum with 357 ammo.

There was a true sense of anxiety and fear during the first hour of learning the guns and re-learning safety procedures. Within a few hours I felt confident of my ability to handle the weapons and my shooting wasn't  bad. I hit the targets, and even managed to hit a can off a tree limb once. By the end of the day I was too fatigued to hit anything straight and it gave me a new respect of the muscle strength and coordination that goes into shooting.

This is what the trunk of my car looked like. (These weapons were all attained legally and are not mine. Just in case you were wondering.)

No, I did not shoot this gun sideways. This shot was purely for the goof-train. But man, I make a good red-neck thug!

I loved the 22 rifle. It might only shoot 22 ammo, but was a really fun gun to shoot!

Unfortunately, we were not the thugs that demolished the TV. It was already blown up when we arrived.

The 380 automatic (on the left) had more kick than the 9 MM. This suprised me. I like the feel of the 9 MM better. My favorite gun is still 357 Magnum. My father would be proud. It was one of his favorites too.

 Okay - back to Poetry. But first....

 

This Is My Boomstick!
Army of Darkness at MOVIECLIPS.com