Ms. ZigZag

Nuggets of Fun with Squishy Stuff in the Middle

Where the hell have I been? Has anyone seen ZigZag? Last I saw her she was pumping iron at bootcamp and jumping through rings of fire while simultaneously chugging a tequila.  I think someone even spotted her in New York City and (dare I say) at Burning Man!

Oh wait. Here I am.

As for Burning Man,  I told you once and I'll tell you again, I'm not going to Burning Man. Not me. Never. I hate that place. It's too dusty. And hot. And I don't get along with the freaks. For cryin' out loud people are naked in that desert. Naked!? Who the hell gets naked anymore? I thought we all agreed to stay clothed until the apocalypse.

Okay, it's true. I went to Burning Man. I begged not to, but the playa whispered in my ear and as any good brainwashed cult member would do, I went.

But actually I went a lot of places this summer, not just Burning Man.  I traveled into the calm joy of starting a garden and watched tomatoes turn red from the brown of the earth. I cut my knees jumping over dried tree stumps in 10K scrambles, and traversed rivers and raced up mudslides. I dove deep into my heart and found it pumping love even though it's still squishy and fragile. I re-learned how to say yes to the right things, while at the same time remembered how to say no to the wrong things (mostly).

It was arguably one of the best summers of my life, yet I'm still haunted by my last goal of the year... the need to write a book. Any book. What gives? I've reached so many awesome goals this year, (Hawaii, New York, getting closer to my mother, poems published, back in shape, hired my own life coach, opened my heart to magic, performed at open mics and started my own poetry/music event called Aural Pleasure)  but I have not finished a book. Isn't it funny how we kick ourselves in the ass for things we haven't done, but forget all the good things we have done?

My challenge: I have too many ideas. I've started a handful of books, but have completed none. Here are my questions: do I write a novel based on true events about my unique love life and my amazing relationship with my father? Or do I write a coaching book about relationships, dating, and how to handle love-life in the 21st century? What about the awesome book about my process on tapping into intuition? And lets not forget the book about how relationships never fail, they only transform..... What on earth do I focus on now that it's almost fall and I'm able to sit still?

I'm as curious as you are to see how this all unfolds. As a life coach and a writer I am still perplexed about my own blocks and insecurities. I'm honored to share this process with you and I look forward to battling a few more demons. As Leighton Kelly says, "I was born to be cut by paper dolls and to bleed is the reward of being alive. After all, you can paint with blood, not with water. What can you do? It's fucking life and for better or worse its the only game in town." 

 

This is the reason I went to Burning Man this year. And it was awesome. Thank You Shazam!!

 

This woman wrestled me to the ground in her Tigger pajamas while I was in my Panda Suit. I wish I had it on film.

 

RAWK!! Titanium is anything but a Spectator. Super fun causing trouble with him.

  

Me and my dad's memorial . xoxo

I miss him.  

For as much as I resist, this is the place that makes life feel like heaven.

Me and Susan looking innocent in white. Don't be fooled.

The Beautiful Temple Burn.

 

 

Mayhem on Art Cars. xox

Growing a garden was one of the best experiences of my life. And that's saying a lot.

 

Brad is too cool. I hope to be half as cool as him when I grow up.

My sister London! xoxo

 

GIna Gina Gina!!! She keeps me running and smiling!

The Rickster....a brother from another mother.

 

More Open Mics! I feel so alive behind a microphone. Phallic? Nah.

Bring It On!

Angel Posing as Street Artist in NYC

 

Have you ever found god in the eyes of a stranger? I did. In a street artist in China Town. 

Here's how I found him: my F train from Brooklyn stopped due to some weekend subway issue, so instead of waiting to see if the problem cleared up, I decided to get out and walk through China Town to Broadway and Lafayette street (to the West Village) in order to get my connecting number 6 train to Grand Central Station. I figured it was a sunny  Sunday morning and a walk through the city would be good for me. I thought the streets would be relatively empty and serene. And I wanted to fall in love with NYC again. There's nothing like a long 30 minute walk through the towering buildings on a summer day.

When I emerged from the subway, the streets were packed.  The masses of people walked together like one giant organism. I couldn't imagine what the streets must look like at rush hour on a week day. For a Sunday morning China town was off the hook. Hundreds of Chinese people approached me asking I wanted a new handbag, a new wallet, a new belt, or perfume. I was bumped and pushed though the city rather than on a leisurely walk. Finally as I headed up Broadway the streets emptied a bit. It was one of those moments where I felt so disconnected that just wanted to be close to something. It was right during those thoughts that I saw a street artists standing next to his t-shirts. His eyes were filled with joy. This man loved New York, and I needed to remember what that felt like.  We chatted it up about Banksy, Mr. Brainwash, and what it took to make a living as an artist on the streets of NYC. I really appreciated his kindness and patience. He made me see the beauty of NYC again.

I walked away feeling refreshed again. Thanks Mr. Street Artist Angel. I forgot his name, but gave him my card. Hopefully he finds me on facebook.

The East Coast Sneak

 

Me, Lisa, and Claudine. Chillin in Brooklyn.

I can't believe it's only been a month since my last blog. Is time speeding up or what? In one respect I feel like one month has been a year's worth of learning, yet it's going by so fast.  Whatever it is....I feel like my life is being compressed into delicious fudge.

As some of you know I snuck back to New York City for a few weeks to help my mother and visit a few friends. I am sorry to those that I didn't get a chance to see, but this was a specific trip for specific purposes and sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

I find it interesting that New York City is considered such an influential city. No one composts, recycling is not taking very seriously, and the majority of people don't seem to know, or believe in, the power of intention, energy, or progressive science. Pollution in New York is out of control and most people don't even look you in the eye when they walk by you. I guess I'm just spoiled from living in the greatest place on earth: the Pacific Northwest. We seem to have it all out here.  Big cities. Happy people and healthy, progressive living. I've never been more proud to call Portland, Oregon my true home.

Never Stop Smiling

During my time in NY I had to find a way to combat all the negative attitudes and tense energy.  The city streets were filled with hundreds of legs and arms bumping into each other. People looked withered and zombie-like. I was amazed at the lack of common courtesy. New York is exciting, but it is also overcrowded, noisy, dirty and trashy. My heart went out to all the haggard faces. I'm sure that there are a lot of wonderful happy people in NYC, but the grand blur of what I saw made it hard to feel at peace amongst them. I tried my best to keep smiling and be polite. I have come to realize that my gentleness is my strength and I used my gentle energy to guide me. I was often asked where I was from and told, "you're too nice to be from around here."

A bus driver even made fun of me, telling me I was going to get hurt if I kept smiling so much. I just kept smiling.

 

 The view from Brooklyn looking at the Brooklyn bridge. The smell is awful, but the view is nice.

Justin and Me. He moved to NYC  9 months ago. Now he's coming back to Portland!! AW YEAH. Nothing beats P*Town.

 

 

Your Mission: Change Five People's Lives.

Me, lounging in my Panda Suit the day after the Tsunami

For the last few months I have felt a little bit crazy. Overwhelmed. Frazzled. Luckily, I have tools, friends, and mentors that keep me on track and unless you live in a cave its obvious that shit has been flying at us at light speed. The internet has gone hog wild,  facebook "friends" are building by the masses, global communication is on the rise, the news tells us the world is ending, and fear is permeating every morsel of media. Even friends I once thought were relatively sane have turned into conspiracy-theorist that are adding to the fear and mayhem.

I guess I'm becoming the ultimate rebel in saying: I don't think it's as bad as they say. Really. It's not. Don't buy in.  The world will not improve with fear or mediocrity. The world will only be saved by the appearance of great people and it's up to you to step into those shoes. Those shoes will require grace.

I'm not denying that there is war, devastation, starving children, and environmental disaster. I'm aware of these things. But along with the bad there is tremendous amounts of good happening. There is more light in the world than ever. Thousands, if not millions, of people are helping each other. Mercy Corps has gotten millions of dollars donated (more private donations than anytime before in history.)  Helping hands are everywhere. People are showing up, as well as focusing on the power of prayer, meditation, and gratitude. If you can't fly to Haiti, or Japan, and it's not your speed to hang out with the homeless, you can do a lot of good by turning off the media, and turning on your love. Simply pray or meditate and focus on loving those around you. Perhaps set a goal of changing five peoples lives. Just five. Maybe you could be a source of inspiration, or calm for someone who needs it. If we all helped five people have a better life the world would become a better place.

And for God's sake stop thinking so much. Feel your way. Trust your gut, it's the only thing you have that is certain. Your mind is not your leader, it is only a guide.

Remember we are here as a physical representation of a divine principle, yet not everyone chooses to heed the call of his or her own heart. Most of us are too frantic with the voices in our head or with the outer world to pay attention to our hearts. Our inner voice gets drowned out easily. We have forgotten how to trust ourselves. And if we can't trust ourselves it's almost impossible to trust anyone else, let alone God. (Universe, Divine Power, Spirit)

I like the word God. If you get freaked out by that word replace it with whatever you want.

I went to Maui this month and aside from hiking bamboo forests, swimming in turquoise waters, and ogling hot sassy bodies, I was also evacuated for the Tsunami. Horns blew on every coastline. Thousands of tourist evacuated to upcountry high schools. The emergency broadcast system was on every radio station. The cottage I was staying in (30 feet from the coast)  would have barely survived a wind storm, so I drove to my friend Dave's house who lives inland and upcountry.  As we watched video footage of Japan's destruction I vowed to not take my life for granted.  

Back in the Bronx in the 80's I had my share of fear: running from gangs, being witness to guns and open fire and violence on the streets and subways. However, in the back of my head was always the thought, "I can get away from this." And I did. But when the earthquake hit Japan, I realized I couldn't run or hide from a 9.1 megaquake. All the control I thought I had was gone. Which, ironically, made my heart swell and my ego loosen up. The world somehow became a place of wonder again. I could see love everywhere, even through tears and destruction.

The news stations told us the first Tsunami wave would hit Maui at 3am and no one could guarantee how big or small, how weak or strong it would be. I prayed for a peaceful ocean until I fell asleep around 2am and when i woke up I prayed again. I spoke to the humpback whales and asked them for help. Maybe they had some magical power within the seas. The morning came and luckily there was minimal damage to the shorelines and no one got hurt.

Since then I've found a new respect for people and nature and the unpredictability of everything.  Maybe it was the Hawaii sun, or maybe it's the calm before the Apocalypse, either way I'm no longer going to sit and worry about things I have no control over. I will instead follow my heart, finish my book of poetry, love those that are near to me, and hope to inspire and change the lives of at least five people, maybe more. Because everything is a ripple.

   

Changing the World One Panda Suit at a Time

Thanks to those that donated to my Panda Suit Campaign. It's magical. i love my Panda Suit. My first shoot was on the Oregon coast. Next stop Maui. And then New York City. This Panda Suit might make it around the world.

I didn't feel silly at all walking  onto the beach in my new Panda Suit. Quite the contrary. I felt invigorated and alive. Joyful. All of my sadness left me. I was no longer trapped inside my head. I was set free in a Panda Suit. I felt like a 10 year old girl full of expectation and happiness.

 

We forget the blissful moments we can get when we let go and just do things for the fun of it.  There is war and ice caps melting and sinners sinning, but with a Panda Suit you get to make brand new smiles. I think that's important to remember.

 
Woof.

A big thank you to Rua for taking these shots!

 

Don't like me? No problem. I'm not here to please everyone.

“If you're trying to please everyone, then you're not going to make anything that is honestly yours." - Viggo Mortensen

I have many good friends and people that love me, but one thing has held true over the years and that's this: some people don’t like me. Which is a good thing because I have no intention of pleasing everyone. As a matter of fact, I like it when someone has the balls to admit that they don’t particularly like me. (Odds are I'm not a fan of them either.)  And it's a form of honesty that I respect. The bottom line is that there will be times in our lives when we come across people who do not like us.

Rather than taking it personally, we can let them be whom they are, accept their different perspectives and opinions, and move on. When we give others that freedom, we claim it for ourselves. 

While approval from others is a nice feeling, when we come to depend on it we lose our way from our own path.

For instance I talk a lot, I’m a strong-willed highly opinionated woman who is fast and keen and unafraid to be myself. I can be highly intimidating, gregarious, and loud.  I’m not offended when someone doesn’t invite me to a party. There are some people I don't invite to my parties either. It goes both ways.

On the flip-side, I am highly compassionate, kind, loving, sensitive, tender, sweet and will go out of my way to help a friend. I have supported hundreds of people through coaching, teaching, writing and loving.

There are those who will not like you no matter what you do, but that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you. 

As we grow into our authentic selves, as long as we are doing no real harm (I’m not talking about violence or meanness) we grow to appreciate the feeling of fully being ourselves. The need to have everyone like us will be replaced by the excitement of discovering that we are attracting like-minded people into our lives—people who like us because they understand and appreciate the truth of who we are.

By doing this, we can be free from trying to twist into characters that limit us, and instead gain a new sense of freedom, allowing us to expand into becoming exactly who we’re meant to be.

In graduate school I learned some of the best advice from my professor, Mr. Keeble, he said, “If people aren’t arguing over your writing, if people don’t dislike your writing as much as other people love it, you’re doing something wrong. Good writing should be so real that it hits emotional chords, sometimes people are afraid of what truth sounds like. Those that don’t like your work don’t have to read it, but those that love your work will defend you and read you forever. Be 100% you.”

 
This was at the beach house last summer. Whiskey in hand, scantily clad, and ready for action!

 

Hiked up Triple Falls this weekend. This is  Huxley. Look at his eyes. (swoon, what a cutie pie.)

A la the gorgeous Susan.

Cascade rockin the tree climbing.

  Jason communicates in sign language to the woodland hobbits.

   

One of the many waterfalls on the hike,  we got to hike underneath it.

Set the Bar High

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." - Brian Littrell

I made a goal of writing in my blog everyday for 365 days. I missed my first day yesterday, but here's the thing: if I didn't set my goals high I would have slacked off the first week. By setting the bar a little higher every time I push myself a little further. 

   
I'm wearing the same down coat I bought in Vermont in 2000. Mountain Hardware makes high quality gear. This is the White River sno-park. it was great to hang out with the peeps from xdogevents. I'm going to do the dirt dash with them in April.

On Sunday I was witness to the largest snowshoe event in the Northwest's history. It was amazing to watch 200 people run (yes run) in snow shoes up a mountain. One guy did a 4k loop STRAIGHT UP a snowy mountain in 17 minutes!  I didn't do the race, but I hiked up that freakin' thing in the bright sunshine sweating my balls off. It was fantastic! There is nothing better than snow and sun in the winter.

At this juncture I'm thinking that blogging 4-5 times a week would be a better goal and would allow me to deliver more quality blogs (not that my blogs are poor quality, but you get what I mean.)  And the truth is that I'm finding writing a blog everyday a little boring. Not that life my is boring. Far from it. Sometimes it's so NOT boring that I forget what day it is.  The only reason I didn't write yesterday's blog is because I woke up at 6:45am on Sunday and was hiking a mountain in snowshoes by 9:30 am. It was a very steep hike and by the end of the day I was a very tired woman.

Me and gina. She is so cute and such a badass. And she is dating a Badass. I'm so honored to have such wonderful friends.

This is Badass, he is often mistaken for Sean Connery due to his smashing good looks and raunchy attitude.

One of Badass's many hot T-shirts of scatily clad women.

 
Kevin, the founder of the x-dogs gifted me with this T-shirt from the ZigZag Inn. Yeah, I got rolled in ZigZag. Among other places.... Notice my spongebob pajamas (I borrowed them from Gina.)

It must have been a good story!

Badass making his famous split pea soup and sucking on a hambone.

Me sucking on a different hambone.

The joy of sunshine in the middle of a Portland Winter is like nothing you could ever fully understand unless you lived in this godforsaken climate. The payoff is being surrounded by  immensely lush and green foliage. Truly breathtaking to witness.

My goal for the year is to jump in with both feet, take life for a ride, and learn to never look back.  I will still blog almost everyday for 365 days. It's been a good start and I'm still shooting for the moon.

 

Check out all the pictures in the slideshow...

 

Day of the Dead Things

Dead things never looked so good. A new store called Paxton Gate opened on N. Mississippi. Dead insects, dead birds, skulls, bones, horns. You name it, it's there. What is it about dead things that I find so alluring? Perhaps it's a reminder that nothing is permanent, yet the soul leaves a body and there is a still a sharp-tooth-creature left behind....

 


 

Colorado Afterglow and Cavemen With Pink Balloons

 

I recently spent time visiting friends in Colorado. I love my Colorado Family. Strong hot women and ruggid loveable men. It's always a pleasure visiting this state.  I discovered Boulder for the first time and loved it.  One of my favorite places was the Boulder Tea House . It blew my mind.  Apparently it was a gift from Tajikistan. Just think, they painted and carved this whole building in Tajikistan and shipped it to Boulder! Boulder? I mean that's a long haul. What a gem.

 

I have to admit I have considered moving to Colorado. The weather is awesome, the people are rad, and the landscape inspires a deep calm. However, I was totally stoked (as usual) to come back to the amazing Portland, Oregon. Oh, Portland how I love thee, regardless of your rainy winters.

Now on to my next topic, Cavemen With Pink Baloons:

When I got home, there was a new comment on one of my old blogs. It was a blog I wrote back 2006 in when I was dating Jason (the first time) and it was our first Valentines Day. I titled it, "How to Woo a Woman" . It's a great read. It was one of my most favorite Valentines Days ever. Thank you Jason! So this guy, Tom from the UK, left a comment that I rather enjoyed. It's always fun to get other perpectives on wooing a woman. I wanted to share it. Keep the wooing going guys!

Feel free to respond to either this post or directly to Tom.

Tom Wrote:

"Right mate, i pull women without even trying. Use the ying yang theory, or the fishing technique. You give her slack you reel her in. You play with their emotions (dark art) and you make their heart go pitter patter. You neither ignore them nor smother them and you definately do not spend money on them solely. As the man you provide large stuff for you both - holidays, homes, cars but no silly stuff like you have mentioned that just erodes your money and they'll move on when its gone. Write poetry for free it speaks a whole lot more about your mentality and where they stand with you. Make them work for your attention or you get dragged through the dirt, no woman wants a soppy failure, they want a man with direction, confidence and honesty. Money can't get you women it just gets you whores. Find a decent woman that appreciates you for you and not for the dresses she should be buying herself. Large surprises should only be used for aniversaries, weddings and parties and ONLY if the woman likes surprises. We're living in a world thats suffering major financial crises' and with guides like the above i can see why. Do you think cavemen had pink balloons, dresses and erotic coupons? the last of which will get you slapped, its best to go to the shop with your woman and discuss lingerie etc. Use what your ancestors have used not what companys and restaurants tell you to use."

 

Thank Tom, for the record jason's wooing was the best wooing ever, so something obviously worked.  I'll take Cavemen with Pink Balloons anytime. But the next time your in the States I'll take you up on lingerie shopping. ;)

 

The Burning Truth.

Yes the rumors are true, I DID in fact go to Burning Man, and yes, it was epic. A good friend paid for my entire spur-of-the-moment trip to Black Rock City and I was treated to a quick but very much needed immersion in creativity and love. Highlights included an amazing sculpture called Bliss Dance, an unbelievable set by Crystal Method at the Tower of Babel, laughing so much my stomach hurt, piggyback rides from an amazing man to ease my ankle pain (I sprained my ankle two weeks prior),  being leashed around by the same man at the Pink Mammoth Party, sharing space with some of my best friends, hot kisses, and tripping too hard to see straight the night of the Burn and not knowing whether I was in heaven or hell. And yes: it was dusty, it was hot, and at times the weather was brutal, but Nietzsche said it best when he said, "In heaven all the interesting people are missing." Burning Man can be hell sometimes, but I'll choose hell any day if it means I get to live a life that feels like heaven.

Photo by Jeffrey Bale

  PS - I didn't take many pictures. Maybe next year.